So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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