Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize