I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
