Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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