I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
