You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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