I hate all girls vehemently.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.