I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.