update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
