Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.