why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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