Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...

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(910): View more from North Carolina

It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Toronto

I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home

(647): View more from Ontario

Was he satisfied?

(416): View more from Toronto

No, and very vocal about it.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.

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(509): View more from Washington

If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP

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(513): View more from Ohio

I did it again.

(513): View more from Ohio

I drunk texted John McCain.

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