He told me they were just razor bumps!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
