lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
