Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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