and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
