Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm jealous of your bromance
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
