We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
