the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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