i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your penis caused this!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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