he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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