I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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