Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
