Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
