Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
