he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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