Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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