my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
