lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
