batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When are your genitals available?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
