It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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