woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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