their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
