I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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