Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
