i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
ok first of all what the fuck
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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