Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no you cant smoke seaweed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
