Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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