Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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