she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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