If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
