When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
