She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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