I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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