Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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