Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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