mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I CAN MOONWALK!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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