Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
