I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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