if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
