We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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