I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
