how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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