Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
