you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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