I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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