Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
