11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
