My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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