Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she pinky promised me she was 18
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
