I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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