hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
