so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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