found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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