so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
