you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
