a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
