College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
