Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
