ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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