Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
