jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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