mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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