it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
