so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
