Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
