Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we're making bets on your personal life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
