I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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