We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They are going to name an STD after you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
