whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
