I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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