and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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