you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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