why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
