Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
